Mama, help me! Please be real
Mama, help me! Hold my hand
This absolute brilliance
To see things as they truly are is more than I can bear alone
Mama, help me…help me…help me
I listened and followed you out
My senses instantly assaulted with stench and horror – a legion of putrid corpses exposed
Mama, help me! Hold my hand and walk with me through
Mama, help me! Please be real
Don’t leave me here to die in the light
Alone
I’m here. I’m here. I’m right here…and I am not well
Squatting in the ashes, scraping festering sores
And there you are…right there
Cold eyes deliberately unseeing
Cadaverous hearts, pickled and pristine
I would cherish any of you to sit with me where I am
Even as Job’s friends, whether mute or fumbling
To try and make sense of failure and despair
But no…you will not acknowledge me here
Denying my family – YOUR FAMILY – so much as a scrap
The affection and resources you lavish on dogs
Days became months turned to years spent right here
Silently screaming, staring at your backs turned…right there
I’m here. I’m here. I’m right here…and I am not well
I don’t know what I’d do without my litter mate, my soul sister, the one who sees me and loves me in a relationship that makes no sense outside of there being a very real and loving and involved God who made us aware of each other at just the right time. Any sooner and we wouldn’t have recognized each other. Any later? I shudder to think.
Be yourself only
different now
somehow
with all
that
grief.
In case you ever
thought that
you were just
a being, just
a humble
presence
you are not just
anything, you
mean something,
more than that
you mean
everything,
because everything that
means something
beats inside
of you.
Go all the way…
That’s all They’ve given me – this Invitation to Die.
Be careful what you ask for in earnest, Child.
They will give you the desires of your heart. They’ve always made Good on Their Word.
Will I even recognize it?
Maybe the falling is all there is on this side of life.
What I mistook for arrival was a series of ledges.
Just enough time to catch my breath after having the wind knocked out of me.
Then…another free fall into intangible.
I’ve flinched and flailed in the darkness, losing my grip on ALL THE THINGS.
Now?
I anticipate nothing.
Done grasping.
Done fighting.
Done blaming.
Done explaining.
Done asking.
Done.
There is only nothing.
Falling.
Release.
There’s no way back, Child.
You crossed that threshold long ago when you asked for this.
Don’t try to resurrect yourself. You’ve come this far.
Now go all the way.
Cages and Keys 